"Wreck the Malls" (an "Urban Assault" carol)

I don’t have an unlimited supply of Christmas-themed fractals so I decided to go with one called Winter Wreath. (Dunno how many more “urban assault” carols I’ll be posting but I thought you’d get tired of an endless series of Holiday-themed images.) As for the song-- you can probably figure out that this is my own parody of “Deck the Halls”: as far as I know it sprang from my own fevered imagination. After the fact I learned of a song of the same title by the Bob Rivers Comedy Corps (with the same theme and similar lyrics) but I promise you I’ve never heard it. Maybe this is a case of great minds thinking alike…

Wreck the Malls this Christmas Season
Nyan-nyan-nyan-nan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nya!
Punch a sales clerk for no reason.
Nyan-nyan-nyan-nan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nya!
Steal some gifts then trash a dsplay
Nyan-nyan-nyan-nan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nya!
Celebrate the season this way!
Nyan-nyan-nyan-nan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nya!
-
Taunt and moon the Christmas Singers
Nyan-nyan-nyan-nan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nya!
Steal the cash from those bell ringers.
Nyan-nyan-nyan-nan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nya!
Key some cars then slash their tires.
Nyan-nyan-nyan-nan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nya!
Light some lovely Yuletide fires.
Nyan-nyan-nyan-nan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nya!
-
All attack the fat old Mall Cop
Nyan-nyan-nyan-nan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nya!
Punch his face, kick his butt! Don’t stop!
Nyan-nyan-nyan-nan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nya!
Insult the shoppers on your rambles.
Nyan-nyan-nyan-nan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nya!
Leave the Mall in total shambles.
Nyan-nyan-nyan-nan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nya!

Jingle Bells for the 21st Century (an "Urban Assault" Carol

Today’s post begins with a fractal called Abstract Christmas Bells. Since I’m posting my own version of “Jingle Bells” it seemed quite appropriate. As for the “carol” itself--I unabashedly stole the first two lines from a comedy bit from the Rick Dees in the Morning show (when he was still on KIISFM). The way it was preformed suggested the rest of the song to me.

CHORUS
Jingle bells, jingle bells! Let’s go all the way!
It’s so nice to know for sure that Santa isn’t gay. (Yay!)
Jingle bells, jingle bells! Let’s go all the way!
It’s so nice to know for sure that Santa isn’t gay.
-
I went off to the Mall--to buy a gift or three.
I smiled at Santa Clause. He waved and winked at me.
He said: “we should hook up--and maybe have a drink.”
I thought it sounded good to me. “I’ll be back in a blink!”
-
REPEAT CHORUS
-
We ended up in back of a really cute Boutique.
Then Santa grabbed my butt and tried to kiss my cheek.
I said “don’t touch me there!” but Santa wouldn’t stop.
And so I filed a big law suit--and now I own his shop!
-
REPEAT CHORUS