Tuesday, August 18, 2009

CROSS...

A lot of my poetry is free-association b#llsh#t. This one started out with Robyn and I were talking about about the possibility of her Dad's estate FINALLY settling (after eight months--and that not with any particular complications...) She said "cross your fingers." To which I replied "cross your toes." Then I added "cross your nipples and your nose"--and a new poem was born. I've edited it slightly but I still hope your enjoy my latest foray into nonsense.
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Cross your fingers, cross your toes
Cross your eyes and cross your nose.
Cross each of these with all of those.
That should be enough I s'pose.
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Cross your arms and cross the street
Make it sloppy but keep it neat
Cross the sour with the sweet
Cross the music with the beat.
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Cross the state and cross the line
Cross it BOLD or cross it fine.
Make the long division sign
And be certain that you look divine.
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Cross it little, Cross it big.
Cross a hairnet with a wig
Though some may call it infra dig
And others will not give a fig.
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Cross Uranus. Cross Neptune.
Cross December 10th with the 3rd of June
Cross a tiny fork with a big, fat spoon
Cross it now or cross it soon.
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Cross the ocean, cross the sky
Cross a lady with a guy
Cross your legs but don't say why
You can do it if you try
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Cross a squirrel with an old Oak Tree
Cross what is with what might be
Cross Beyonce with Jay-Z
But if you're wise you WON'T cross me!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

The Santa Ana Wind Chimes Massacre

Those of you who are not blessed to live in ScCal have never had to deal with the Santa Ana Winds--a weather event that sends hot, dry gales throughout the region. While they can blow at any time of year the “Santa Anas” most often come in the fall--and when they do it’s always trouble. (Our new home is right at the mouth of Trabuco Canyon so we get to experience them a lot more than we ever have before.) This past Thursday (November 13) we had a particularly bad event--which woke up Robyn and I a lot earlier than we would have liked. (We have three sets of wind chimes on our patio.) I wrote this little bit of doggerel (with Robyn‘s help) to commemorate the event. It is meant to be sung to the tune of Folsom Prison Blues. I blatantly ripped off the title from The Oklahoma Weed Whacker Massacre by Mercedes Lackey so I dedicate this to her.
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The accompanying fractal is Desert Storm--which I picked for obvious reasons (at least if you know about Santa Ana Winds…)
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I hear them chimes a-ringin’
I’m awake at just past Four
They’re bangin’ and a-clangin’
Outside the slidin’ door
I see the Santa Anas just came back to town
An’ if them chimes don’t stop their racket
We’ll have to take ‘em down!
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They jingle and they rattle
They’re makin’ lots of noise
The whole neighborhoods awake an’
Everyone’s annoyed
The Santa Ana Winds
Sure brought some sorry times
And all the neighbors hate us
‘Cause of our damn wind chimes
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But still we’re feelin’ lucky
In spite of all the grief
The Santa Ana’s diein’ down
We’ll soon get some relief
At least there weren’t no fire
Threatenin’ our town
Unlike poor Montecito
Which just burned to the ground

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

A Random Act of Free Verse

Today's post begins with a fractal called Autumn Flower. It seemed appropriate for a poem about October: the poem has no title, but I suppose you could call it "October Turns" if you must give it a name.
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October Turns

Outward.
October Turns
To festivals and family as the days grow short.
October Turns
To hearth-fires as the nights grow long and chill.
October Turns
To hearth-fires as the nights grow long and chill.
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October Turns
To misty, cool-shouldered mornings.
October Turns
To buttery golden afternoons.
October Turns
To velvet nights alive with stars.

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October Turns
To sudden heat infused with summer airs.
October Turns
To shades of red and gold.
October Turns
To fields heavy with harvest and gardens ready to sleep
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October Turns
To wool and flannel, to hats and gloves.
October Turns

To a word waiting for winter
October Turns
Inward.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Remember: a poem for Memorial Day

Every now and then I'm struck by a random act of poetry. Saturday May 24 was such a day. The whole poem more-or-less entered my mind in one piece. I jiggered it a bit and present the final result for your entratainment. The accompanying fractal is called Rose Window.


REMEMBER
Remember our Nation’s DeadT
he soldiers who fought and diedThose who took up arms to serve as need.
They died doing what they could.
Honor them.
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Remember the Unknown Dead.
The ones with nobody to mourn their passing.
Those who are lost. Those who are alone.
The world is a sadder place for their loss.
Weep for them.
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Remember your Family Dead.
The Mothers and Fathers who shaped you.
Those good people who cared for you.
Those who were always there no matter what.
Love them.
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Remember the Living.
The children, good friends and strangers all.
Those who walk the road of life with you.
They are your fellow travelers.
Help them.
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Remember Yourself.
The only constant you have though your whole life.
That which is uniquely and especially you.
For you are special.
Celebrate.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

"Wreck the Malls" (an "Urban Assault" carol)

I don’t have an unlimited supply of Christmas-themed fractals so I decided to go with one called Winter Wreath. (Dunno how many more “urban assault” carols I’ll be posting but I thought you’d get tired of an endless series of Holiday-themed images.) As for the song-- you can probably figure out that this is my own parody of “Deck the Halls”: as far as I know it sprang from my own fevered imagination. After the fact I learned of a song of the same title by the Bob Rivers Comedy Corps (with the same theme and similar lyrics) but I promise you I’ve never heard it. Maybe this is a case of great minds thinking alike…


Wreck the Malls this Christmas Season
Nyan-nyan-nyan-nan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nya!
Punch a sales clerk for no reason.
Nyan-nyan-nyan-nan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nya!
Steal some gifts then trash a dsplay
Nyan-nyan-nyan-nan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nya!
Celebrate the season this way!
Nyan-nyan-nyan-nan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nya!
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Taunt and moon the Christmas Singers
Nyan-nyan-nyan-nan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nya!
Steal the cash from those bell ringers.
Nyan-nyan-nyan-nan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nya!
Key some cars then slash their tires.
Nyan-nyan-nyan-nan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nya!
Light some lovely Yuletide fires.
Nyan-nyan-nyan-nan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nya!
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All attack the fat old Mall Cop
Nyan-nyan-nyan-nan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nya!
Punch his face, kick his butt! Don’t stop!
Nyan-nyan-nyan-nan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nya!
Insult the shoppers on your rambles.
Nyan-nyan-nyan-nan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nya!
Leave the Mall in total shambles.
Nyan-nyan-nyan-nan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nyan-nya!

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Jingle Bells for the 21st Century (an "Urban Assault" Carol

Today’s post begins with a fractal called Abstract Christmas Bells. Since I’m posting my own version of “Jingle Bells” it seemed quite appropriate. As for the “carol” itself--I unabashedly stole the first two lines from a comedy bit from the Rick Dees in the Morning show (when he was still on KIISFM). The way it was preformed suggested the rest of the song to me.



CHORUS
Jingle bells, jingle bells! Let’s go all the way!
It’s so nice to know for sure that Santa isn’t gay. (Yay!)
Jingle bells, jingle bells! Let’s go all the way!
It’s so nice to know for sure that Santa isn’t gay.
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I went off to the Mall--to buy a gift or three.
I smiled at Santa Clause. He waved and winked at me.
He said: “we should hook up--and maybe have a drink.”
I thought it sounded good to me. “I’ll be back in a blink!”
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REPEAT CHORUS
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We ended up in back of a really cute Boutique.
Then Santa grabbed my butt and tried to kiss my cheek.
I said “don’t touch me there!” but Santa wouldn’t stop.
And so I filed a big law suit--and now I own his shop!
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REPEAT CHORUS

Saturday, November 24, 2007

The Imigrants Oh Christmas Tree (an "Urban Assault" Carol)

Like so many bits of my doggerel this one got started when I was fooling around (On this particular occasion I was singing "O Christmas Tree" in a thick Mexican accent.) Words started tumbling out and before I knew it I had three stanzas of yet another "urban assault" carol Trying singing it aloud (in the accent of your choice) and you find it works quite well. The fractal that goes with this post is called Christmas Tree (what else?)



O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree!
Please tell me when Christmas will be.
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree!
Please tell me when Christmas will be.
Is it here now--or coming soon?
Is it in April, May or June?
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree!
Please tell me when Christmas will be.
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O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree!
There’s something that’s been bugging me.
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree!
There’s something that’s been bugging me.
I’ve seen your stuff up in the store
For seven months--no eight or more!
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree!
There’s something that’s been bugging me.
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O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree!
Can someone please explain to me?
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree!
Can someone please explain to me?
The parties and the gifs are nice--
What’s this about the birth of Christ?
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree!
Can someone please explain to me?